The Making of MBSR ’05

Words: Rob Harris   Photos: Richard Seck, unless otherwise specified


It’s fun … really.

After last year’s inaugural ride of 4 scooters around Lake Ontario, this year’s event promised to be an altogether more populated affair. Interest had been high once people had read about the madness of 2004, but we failed to get the numbers we had hoped for when we finally opened up the registration gates for 2005.

Indeed, sign ups were slow, but some manufacturers and local scooter shops saw the benefit of having their scoots in our Rally, which eventually saw a final tally of 22.

We’d made arrangements for up to 50, reserved the right to scrap the whole thing if we got less than 15 and decided that we’d be happy enough if we got over 20. So I guess happy enough is the order of the day.


With the goal to make the 2005 Mad Bastard Rally an altogether more respectable, seemingly organized affair, we thought that it might be clever to book a hotel from which to base everything; one that is just to the west of the GTA, thus allowing for the scooter mass to clear the GTA chaos with just a spattering of drunken clubbers to avoid.

The Travelodge-on-the-Lake in Burlington became MBS Rally headquarters and everything was seemingly coming together.


Bobb Todd gets checked out by Roxanne.

Since we’d already come up with a not-so-bad route around the lake last year, it seemed only sensible to do the same thing again, only this time we’d try and avoid the sections of expressway that we somehow managed to find the year before.

As per the previous year, mapping duty was given to Bobb Todd (also doubling up as this year’s Rally Master due to his knack for holding steady on an unfavourable decision, despite heart-felt pleas and insistent sobbing). He came up with an eight-leg route, with maximums of 120 km between stops (usually at gas stations).

A last minute ride of the route revealed that there were indeed still some expressway sections, meaning that yours truly had to do a third sweep of the offending New York bits on his way to Toronto for the rally itself – typical CMG, really. Besides, it also meant that I could drop by the Ridgeway Family Restaurant and have one last flirt with Tansy-the-waitress before she quit to pursue an alternate career in Arizona.

Of course, she wasn’t working that night, but that’s just another CMG moment in my increasingly sad life. On the bright side, expressway alternates were confirmed and we now at least had a route with minimal liabilities (Clifford St. excluded)!


Gary was brave enough to stop and visit some ‘boyz’ in the Rochester ‘hood.

The whole point of the Mad Bastard Rally is to … well, encourage the mad bastard in all of us. In order to open the field up to as many mad bastards as possible (we had to get at least 15 remember) it was decided that this year we’d allow any scooter of any size enter, but with additional points going to the smaller and older scoots. This resulted in the following classes:

THERAPY REQUIRED – anything over 160 cc, with 15 hours to complete the route in.

HEAVILY MEDICATED – anything above 75 cc and below 161 cc, with 18 hours to complete the route in.

STRAIGHT JACKET – anything 75 cc and below, with 24 hours to complete the route in.

Additional points were awarded for the “uniqueness” of the ride, its age, the attire of the rider (there was one clown suit) and for “madness of the route” (three fixed bonuses and another 75 points for general creativity). As with all things CMG, the final criteria were set a few days before the event over copious amounts of scotch while relaxing on the deck Chez Seck. We came up with a total of three bonuses, all worth an additional 25 points;

Hello Tansy.

NAKED FERRY – Yes, you read that right, get naked on the Wolfe Island – US ferry and the points are yours. The more the nakedness, the more the points.

BOYZ IN THE HOOD – There’s a section through Rochester that takes in the sights (gangs) and sounds (gunshots) of the charming Clifford Street. Stop and get a picture of you and the ‘boyz’ and there’s another 25 points to be had.

BTW, I wouldn’t have done this – it’s just asking for trouble!

HELLO TANSY – Since it was her last night, what better way to wish her bon voyage than to have a whole load of sweaty biker types drop by for a kiss and photo op? Sadly, that was more than I ever got …

Of course, all this would be for naught if the riders didn’t finish the route in their respective class times. Huh, Team Kymco?

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