Welcome to Friday Fudge, where we bring you all the best motorcycle content of the Internet. Well, not actually the best, more the weirdest, and some of it is definitely the worst. You decide.
Bring out the bats
It’s a classic bit from exploitation movies. Some fed-up citizens, tired of crime, take up arms against the motorcycle-borne thugs who are terrorizing their town. And, it’s playing out for real, in the UK town of Kidsgrove.
Like residents in much of the UK, the people who live in Kidsgrove feel they’ve been ignored by police. They’re seeing a crime wave as a result, including a gang of dirtbike riders who are tearing up sports fields and terrorizing local citizens, according to Birmingham Live.
There are two different solutions being proposed. Angry locals are forming vigilante groups, wanting to tackle the bikers and other crims head-on, with baseball bats [cricket bats, surely? -Ed.]. No doubt Quentin Tarantino would love this, and could probably start filming the story after Once Upon A Time In Hollywood has ended its theatre run. Just in case you wondered what that would look like, we’ve provided you with a possible movie poster above …
The other proposal being bandied about is from the police, who suggest a drone may be the answer to ending the crime. Do they mean an army surplus drone, equipped with rockets? We doubt it. Too bad.
Amongst all the different styles of custom motorcycles (bobbers, choppers, cafe racers—see here for more), there’s one rarely-seen style that’s nonetheless timeless: the custom sidecar.
Typically, custom sidecars are cranked out by Ural, as it’s sort of their trademark. A sidecar with artsy wool blankets for millennial campers? Sure. A sidecar equipped for the zombie apocalypse? No problem.
But what about the most American of all scenarios, the tailgate party? What’s a motorcyclist to do, when they want to party in the parking lot before The Big Game? Simple. Pony up for this custom barbecue-equipped Indian with sidecar, built by Thor Drake of See See Motorcycles. What, has See See abandoned their traditional jaded postmodernist clientele and gone full corporate? Say it ain’t so, Thor, say it ain’t so!
The hipster market can rest somewhat easy, though, because instead of installing a sensible gas-fired grill, See See used a wood-fired Traeger Ironwood 885, apparently capable of holding 10 chickens or seven racks of ribs. No word on how much avocado toast it holds.
Got gas? If you need fuel in Spain, you don’t have to schlep it with the cars and trucks at a standard service station. Repsol has just introduced a series of motorcycle-only gas stops, aimed at meeting the specific needs of two-wheelers.
Petrol Plaza reports the pavement at the new Repsol Moto Stop stations is milled, to avoid build-up of slippery spills, a common problem near fuel stations in the EU. The new stations also have specialized air pumps, with L-shaped fill nozzles to more easily fit into motorcycle wheels.
The Moto Stop stations also have dedicated rest areas for riders, and video cameras that watch their bikes while they’re chilling out. Repsol even included pressure washers and motorcycle dryers at the stations. A great idea for sure, and one that would be super-cool to see come to Canada, although we’re more likely to see snowmobile-only service stations long before bike-only stops.
Over the years of Friday Fudge, we’ve seen a few wild bad guys using motorcycles as getaway vehicles. Their misdeeds have varied: some have been thieves, some have been brutal beat-down thugs. However, Alabama police recently arrested a man on narcotics charges who just might be the craziest moto-crim we’ve seen yet.
The first hint that this guy is probably nuts is the fact that he tried to ram police vehicles with his stolen getaway motorcycle. You have to give him points for panache, but that’s a move that just ain’t working out, unless you’re on a Boss Hoss, maybe.
Then, the nuts theme continues, as it turns out the apprehended baddie had a pet squirrel, reports KTLA5. But this was no ordinary pet squirrel! Nope, it was an “attack squirrel,” fueled by methamphetamine (remember, this guy was arrested on drug charges). No joke, he’d named the squirrel ‘Deeznutz.” The attack training seems to have been a failure, though, as authorities reported no problem with the takedown. Perhaps they defused the situation with a bag of peanuts?
Bike thieves are the worst, we can all agree. But what if they’re a bike thief with a conscience? Like a recent scooter thief in Thailand. No, this criminal did not repent and return the scooter, nor did she sell the scooter and give the money to the poor, as far as we know.
Nope, the Pattaya Mail says this crook did something far more important — share parenting advice. See, the incident started when a middle-aged mom went to the market with her daughter and grand-daughter.
Grandma and daughter were busy shopping, and left the two-year-old on the scooter while they made a stop at the market. They came back, and the Yamaha was gone! But the female thief had left behind the toddler, with a note saying “Don’t leave a 2-year-old alone in a parking lot on a motorbike. Even if it’s a short time, anything can happen.”
No kidding. But why stop there? Why not leave a note saying it’s a bad idea to haul three people on a scooter … or a bad idea to let your kid ride without a helmet … you get the idea. There’s no end to the helpful parenting advice you could pass out in these situations. After all, if you’re going to be stealing people’s rides, you’ve got to figure out how to give back to the community somehow.
Ever watch a Bollywood movie? There’s a lot of singing and dancing, and if you’re lucky, a ridiculous motorcycle scene. If you’re ever fortunate enough to watch the Dhoom series, you’ll see something absolutely bonkers: a getaway bike that turns into a jet-ski to make an escape.
But nothing that silly would ever make it to North American cinema, right? When it comes to tough-guy action movies, a transforming motorcycle would just be tooooooo foolish, something that no self-respecting stuntman would do?
Maybe so … and maybe the latest Fast & Furious film has hired the stuntmen from Dhoom … observe the nonsense below (and no, we don’t mean Dwayne Johnson’s oversized biceps!). C’mon, guys! Even Mission: Impossible plays it straighter than this!
That moment, when you think it’d be cool to run up behind your moving motorcycle, jump on, and ride away, and your whole plan falls apart and the Internet sees you’re an idiot.