So I finally made it to Cape Cod and now I don't know what to do. Well, I've got a bike and some notes to write, so I figured a ride up the Cape to Province Town was in order.

The Cape's basically a long sand bank and as such doesn't make for the most interesting riding. It's here that I really enjoyed the Royal Star. Up in top, puttering along at 80km/h the Yam was in it's element. Here a Valkyrie would be pushing you to open her up. The Royal Star just thumped along happily at the speed limit. Cruising on a cruiser, who would have figured?

The rest of my time on the Cape was spent generally relaxing and taking it easy, and so I'll jump straight to the trip home.

Monday, Sept. 8 (Lake George, N.Y.)

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Urgh - rain. I thought it might be just sea mist but when the clouds were still there as I got off the Cape and then it started to piss it down, I figured, yep, it's raining. Since I'd got my fisherman style yellow rubber wear I was dry, except for my boots, which did their job of soaking up as much bloody water as possible.

Just onto Hwy 2 (west of Boston), the Royal Star spluttered onto reserve. Okay, good time for lunch .. gas and lunch it is. It's here that I exited Hwy 2 to make my acquaintance with the town of Johnny Appleseed. I stopped at the local information office for directions and was mumbled a load of words with the name 'Sears' in it. My director also sussed that I was English and duly offered her condolences on the death of Diana. "Yes, yes, very tragic ... I'll pass that onto the Queen when I talk to her next .. Bye". Okay I was wet, hungry and snarky.

Goddamn this town. There must be a gas station somewhere. Ever since running out of gas after only 20km of reserve on a Triumph Trophy, I've dreaded going onto reserve with a test bike. You just don't know how long you got.

"Hey, what's that? Sears Mall ... and there's a Shell .. and a Dennys ... cool!".

With myself and my steed now fully refreshed we left Johnny Appleseed and rejoined Hwy 2 West. As I approached the north west corner of Massachusetts the road started to climb and get twisty. This was the Berkshire Hills. Here the highway winds up and down, demanding full concentration. This is sport bike territory. The temptation to blast down the short straights and throw her into the next sharp corner was soon rejected as the Star started to go jelly like, requiring the whole of the blind bend to get her back on track. Kept below 110 and there wasn't a problem - strange.

The concentration required to keep it in the safe zone caused me to miss my turn, and as I meandered out of the hills, I pulled over to check my map. "Wow, that's a big building and look at all that fencing and barbed wire. Hmhh, must be a prison ..." Yep, as it twigged a pick up truck pulled up and a prison official stepped out. Ohh err, am I in trouble now? I think the English accent helped to back up my story of lost tourist over suspected jail breaker. At this point I decided to call it a day and rumbled up to Lake George in search of a cheap motel.

US$38 later and I was settled. Seeing the Yam parked outside attracted two other bikers to the

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"Motel Bastardo". We quickly made our acquaintances over several glasses of rum. Clay and Jim (Yam Venture and Harley Tour Glide respectively) were heading west after a couple of weeks cruising around New England. Clay was taking a holiday, whilst Jim (retired) was pretty well doing this as a way of life - A goal I'd like to one day achieve for myself.

Rum, beer, food, etc and the evening whiled away with talk of bikes, lifestyle, the U.S., the U.K., Canada and all. To me this is how a biking holiday should be. A night in a motel room in front of trash TV is a wasted evening.

Tuesday, Sept. 9 (Toronto, Ont)

After fond farewells to my new drinking buddies, it was off to cover the Adirondacks via Hwy 28 and 30.

These are the ideal hills for the Royal Star. Nothing too demanding - just gentle curve to gentle curve, separated by the occasional mile straight so that you could blast by all the slow trucks.

As I meandered out of the Adirondacks and closer to the border, I passed a dead raccoon. Oh great, just what I need for the final installment of the OMG 'Subscribe or the animals pay' series (see the back of this issue for the result). Now to the uneducated this would seem like an easy enough chore. But there's a whole lot of variables here. Is it a good species? Is it far enough to the side of the road (safe to take a picky), etc. Anyway, Ricky Raccoon was perfect.

Park up the Yam, out with the camera ... Snap, snap and the deed was done. Just as I was putting the camera away a car pulled up behind me. Not just any car, but a State Trooper. Oh shit. How do, I explain this one? Should I say that I hit it? Nah, it was already a tad too smelly to be recent kill. Should I just tell the truth? "Well I publish a motorcycle magazine and we run pictures of road kill to try to get people to subscribe". No. What kind of sick bastard would do that? I'd be sectioned into the local nut house and that would be that. I know, I'm lost .. "Hello Officer. I'm trying to get to the Thousand Islands, but I appear to be lost". Superb, even the bike was facing the wrong way. Plod then gets out a map, tells me I'm going the wrong way and gives me the right directions. Who says that honesty is the best policy?

After a painful four hours down the 401 (I hate that highway), I was back in the big smoke by 6pm. All in all a great trip. Didn't get as much time on the BM as I'd liked, but Larry did, and so he can comment on that. So what are our thoughts on the bikes? Read on ...

FAT BASTARD SUMMARY

Since Larry wrote this up and sent it onto me I figured I'd just use it - Sure beats working!

ENGINES:

BMW: Anything that will walk away from a Valkyrie in top and fourth gear needs little more comment made. Like all the other BM injected twins I've tried, there's a slight flutter or hunting just around 3,000 rpm under light or steady throttle, but frankly if you didn't watch for it I'm not sure you'd not notice it. Roll-on and passing power is awesome!

Honda: Likes to be above 3,000 rpm for max power, but hardly

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an issue as long as the thing is running. Amazing motor. I missed shifts from first into second a few times, just being a bit lazy as the box wanted more lever travel, I guess. Fairly light effort at clutch, although it did seem to engage quickly right at the end of the travel, bit dicey in parking lots occasionally for us short-legged types. Not a big deal, just something to remember when maneuvering 800 lb or so into a docking spot. Vibration? You must be kidding. It's hard to tell the engine is running at ANY speed if you have earplugs in.

Yamaha: Smooth? Yes. Flat spots? No. Quick take-up? Um, not really. About normal for a bike like this. It occasionally might need a downshift where the others didn't, but the bottom line is that nobody ever got left behind riding it, and while we weren't exactly burning up the tarmac we weren't hanging around waiting for passing opportunities, either.

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As far as the box goes I actually can't remember anything that stood out, except that the longish levers on the change mechanism required fairly long foot travel. Hate the heel thingie; found it useless, and just in the way when I wanted to move my foot around on the floorboard. I was always afraid to move my foot for fear of kicking it into or out of gear.

Engine feels kind of like the BM in a way, in that there are lots of big THUDS happening most of the time. Not objectionable at all, doesn't affect the seat or the bars or floorboards that I noticed, although Steve did comment several times that his right foot kept sort of vibrating toward the southeast corner of the board and eventually off into limbo... I also just LOVE all the gear noise, whether it's the engine, tranny, shaft, or a combo, rolling off the throttle and coasting was a delight to me for the cool whining noises coming from down below.

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CHASSIS:

BMW: No question, it had the most clearance of the lot. In fact, to be scraping things you'd be well advised to know the road pretty well. In the handling department, the BMW and Honda almost tied, I'd say. I thought the bump response was excellent, best of the lot and quite within what I'd call an acceptable range for anything. I just LOVE the way the Telelever front end works, I really do. Still, thought the front end felt just a little vague after the

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Honda, no doubt due to the 12 feet or so of chromed handlebar between me and it. It stuck okay, but felt pretty remote when turning.

I love that ABS, one of the company's defining characteristics, and certainly this bike's in particular - can you think of any other cruisers offering ABS?

Honda: Less clearance than the BM, more than the Yamaha. More than adequate for even, ah, spirited riding. Possibly the most compliant rear of the group inspite of the passenger's extra weight.

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The brakes were very, very good. Seems to be a reasonable front/rear bias, with good feel and feedback from the front, especially.

Yamaha: Not a lot of clearance, but then again I only touched a floorboard down once and I think Rob said he did once or twice. Steve never did, and he used to drag fairings on GP bikes! So again, while there's less clearance than on the others, I don't think it's a failure or fault of the machine, just an observation. Anyone who buys one of those to strafe corners will have other problems on his mind long before ground clearance is a serious issue. The worst thing about the ground clearance is, as you may recall, trying to check and/or adjust the air in the rear bloody tire!

For handling, the Yamaha is fine up to 100 km/h or so, but there is clearly something wrong at the back end. However, within that speed window, it's a lovely smooth ride, probably the plushest of the three.

Brakes: Here's the first point where I have to take serious issue with the Yam (well, second if you count the weave, which you might put down to entertainment value). I don't like the FEEL of the front brakes, although they stop well enough the sensation is very dead, almost like (dare I say it) Harley brakes.

CONTROLS/INSTRUMENTS:

BMW: Normal except for the stupid turn signals. Normal rant,

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rave, etc. here about needing two hands and three switches, etc. LOVED having the key up top where it belongs, the others are just stupid non-functional affectations, and sod the 'cruiser' look. BMW proves you can build a 'cruiser' without being stupid about it. Having no choke is a nice side benefit of the EFI, no? Needs a cute little half or quarter tach stuck in the dash somewhere, I think. Not because you need one to ride, but just because...

Honda: Except for the asinine key location (I was terrified I was going to move my right leg and kick it out or break it off on the highway, honestly), it's typical Honda. Remarkably light controls.

Yamaha: Not at all impressed with the digital trip. I mean, it works perfectly simply and logically, but the speedo face is fantastic; beautiful vintage sorts of colours, and actually finished as though it's hand-painted in two colours of cream, just superb. But having the little window for the LCD trip ... dunno about that bit. Key is a pain in the ass to reach or to get to.

COMFORT:

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BMW: Okay, moving up to just fine when the backrest is used. I found the seat pretty reasonable, actually, and with the backrest the forward peg location didn't bother me. Without it, it did. Windscreen made speeds over about 115 uncomfortable due to buffeting and swirling that tried to open your visor.

Valkyrie: Pat says that the Valkyrie is the most comfortable bike she's ever been on, end of story, with better wind protection than on a Gold Wind, er, Wing, believe it or not. Shame we couldn't get passenger versions of the others; I doubt the BM would have contended, but the Yamaha might have. For me, by far the most comfortable of the lot, with the best peg location and a good, broad saddle you could move around on. Bars had, for me, a funny bend that angled my wrists a bit uncomfortably, occasionally I'd get a spot of numbness in my throttle hand because of it.

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Yamaha: Position not too bad, seat not too bad. But the seat was kind of hard, with sharp edges that bugged me (and Steve). However, on our test bike it was an accessory one, not the stocker. Floorboards do let you move your feet a bit, but I think you can get more range of movement into ankles and so forth with pegs. Matter of taste, I guess. Screen does a very good job and I liked the bend of the monstrous bar.

PUBLIC REACTION:

Oh, yeah. Especially Mr. Space Invader via Bavaria. Serious amounts of interest in all three, but the BMW was unquestionably the most asked about.