Friday Fudge

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Welcome to Friday Fudge, where we bring you all the best motorcycle content of the Internet. Well, not actually the best, more the weirdest, and some of it is definitely the worst. You decide.


Hopped-up Honda

How’d you like a 200-horsepower Honda? What’s that, you say, is there a new superbike coming?

Uh, no. Nope. Honda, instead of releasing a new CBR1000, has released the latest version of its Mean Mower.

We covered the Mean Mower years ago, in its first version, but the latest V2 model is even more silly. It uses a re-purposed CBR1000 motor that makes 200 hp at 13,000 rpm. It has a custom-built chassis and Honda HF 2622 ride-on lawnmower bodywork, and the whole package is good for a 241 km/h top speed. Its 0-100 mph (0-161 km/h) time is 6.29 seconds. Both the top speed and acceleration numbers should be new world records, if Honda can back them up.

Of course, this isn’t even remotely close to being a production machine, so all you hoons with lawns to mow will just have to build your own.


Backfire

A few days back, we told you MV Agusta had confirmed the Superveloce concept bike would make it into production. We didn’t think much more of it, as MV Agustas are pretty rare in Canada, and these machines are unlikely to ever make it to our country in any serious numbers. A cool bike, sure, but mostly just eye candy for most readers.

Apparently, the looks of this bike were not enough to sell it, so MV Agusta resorted to the oldest trick in the book.

But if we’d been glued to MV Agusta’s press releases, turns out we would have gotten more eye candy than we bargained for. In what appeared to be a misogynistic muck-up, video appeared right after MV Agusta’s Instagram announcement of the prototype motorcycle being caressed, humped, and generally molested by a naked woman.

Certainly not the stuff that flies in today’s enlightened society, or so say the online comments from readers of either gender. The marketing set off the most outrage I’ve seen directed at a motorcycle manufacturer in many years. And serves ’em right, for taking the term “naked bike” a little too literally. What’s next, a “bagger” with flowing bodywork inspired by a semi-retired grocery store worker?


Hellish heist

Apparently, the Hells Angels’ reputation for “sex and savagery” wasn’t enough to protect their motorcycles.

Bike thieves: Generally speaking, the scum of the earth. We strongly disapprove of all motorcycle thievery here at CMG. Yet, a case in the UK has us scratching our heads and wondering what our take on the situation should be.

Turns out a bunch of the UK’s Hells Angels were on some sort of a ride and parked their bikes in front of a hotel for the night. There should have been no mistaking who these machines belonged to, as they were covered in all sorts of HA flair (they don’t want to be mistaken for a pack of traveling dentists).

Anyway, someone, in a flash of cheekiness, decided to rip off the Angels, and stole two of their bikes. A ski-masked group of five rip-off artists took the machines away. It leaves us unsure if we should be amused that the Hells Angels had to walk home, or outraged at the idea of bike theft no matter who the victim is, or somewhat horrified as we anticipate the next UK tabloid headline: “Bike thieves found dead in grisly Hells Angels revenge killing!” Really, when you look at it, it’s the perfect crime, because no matter whether it’s resolved or unresolved, society wins.

Speaking of the Hells Angels, as a side note: the outlaw motorcycle group has just found itself in a bit of a pickle in Holland, as the courts have outlawed the group, saying it’s a criminal organization. Don’t worry, friends — while the DEA’s choppers in the air cannot shut down biker gangs, the Euros have a much more effective approach: smother them with government paperwork. Hey, it worked on Al Capone.


The corner workers might need a suit of armour, like seen in the Isle of Man’s flag, to deal with the fans next year.

Track worker trials

MoreBikes is reporting Manx police had to be called to the Isle of Man TT course earlier this month when marshals had an unhappy man who wouldn’t get off the track. That in itself might not be that unusual, as some locals don’t like the racing that disturbs their routine, and of course, there are always drunk fans causing trouble.

Nope, what made this one unusual is that the man actually started threatening the track workers with an axe, and then barricaded himself inside a van. Bizarre, for sure, but maybe he figured he’d hack an escape route out the roof while the police watched the van doors. In any case, it didn’t work, as the coppers arrested him anyway, and made all sorts of news releases about how this sort of thing won’t be tolerated, etc., etc.

And of course, they’re right. Marshals at the races have enough misery as it is, watching everyone else have fun while they’re responsibly keeping everything in order. Still, we can’t help but see an opportunity here. Remember that Isle of Man TT roadracing video game from a few years back? They’ve just announced a follow-up, and in this sequel, we suggest that there be an unlockable mode (maybe you use a cheat code?) that features axe-wielding fans. Talk about upping the difficulty level! If it gets the kids interested in racing, is it really a bad idea?


Ride the lightning

We’re betting sales of pickelhaube-style motorcycle helmets took a big drop after the latest “Florida incident.” Wouldn’t that be like wearing a giant lightning rod, strapped to your brain?

We’re always warned of dangers on the road, anything from the lethal left-hand-turner to the most hazardous hazard of all: fresh grass clippings on the road (at least according to Facebook, where it seems every second “biker meme” is warning people not to blow their lawn clippings on the street).

Yet we rarely hear about lightning, and most riders probably think they’re safe because they’re rolling on rubber tires.

Wrong. In a much-publicized case from Florida last week, a motorcyclist was actually killed when he was struck by lightning while riding, dying from electrocution. He was wearing a helmet, too, so just wait for the US anti-helmet lobby to add this as more “evidence” that helmets don’t save lives.

They’d be right, it definitely won’t protect you from lightning. But if you do crash without a helmet, the steel plates in your head afterward are going to attract even more electricity.

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