Friday Fudge

Terror Taxi

“Your cab’s here, sir.”

Picture this: You hail a cab (or an Uber), on a dark, stormy night. You slide into the seat, glad to be out of the weather. You look up to talk to the driver, and to your horror, you don’t see a normally-dressed person, but someone in a costume, wearing a Nixon mask, or clown make-up, or …

Sounds like something out of a fright flick, right? Come up with a plotline like that, and you’ve got yourself a pretty good B-movie, or at least a straight-to-Netflix release. But this scenario is actually playing out in Kenya, where a photographer noted an abundance of customized motorcycle taxis in Nairobi’s slums, done up in Mad Max or superhero themes. But, the riders weren’t dressed to match.

So, Wired reports photographer Jan Hoek decided to fix that. He had customized costumes made for seven riders, for photo shoots, and (he hoped) to drum up taxi business after the photography was over. Brilliant! Who wouldn’t want Mad Max nemesis Immortan Joe picking them up for a motorcycle taxi ride? All we have to say is, Jan Hoek might be a wiz behind the lens, but his business sense might be a bit lacking.

Diaper dumper

Not the sort of thing you want to run over with your motorcycle, especially when it’s filled with baby poo.

It’s true, we like to point out the goofy mistakes the police make. But we also like to point out their shining successes. Such as, the major win of the police in New Jersey’s Franklin Township, where a keen-eyed officer ended the career of the alleged dirty diaper dumper.

See, Franklin Township has had a problem in recent weeks with a mysterious man who’s been going around, throwing dirty diapers on the roadways. Police say that, every few days, a bag of dirty diapers would show up on the street, causing mayhem. Things hit their low point when a motorcyclist hit one of the diaper bags and ended up going off the road, injuring himself and totaling his motorcycle.

That incident was the biggest problem for 68-year-old William Z. Friedman when police allegedly nabbed him in the act of dumping a load of diapers. Friedman supposedly confessed to the diaper deed, saying he got them from his grandson.

NJ.com reports the police wrote him a bunch of township citations, but slapped him with a charge of interfering with transportation as a result of the motorcycle crash. So, the putrid prank may now result in some long-term crappy consequences, if the charges are proved in court. As for the police, we’re very glad they didn’t dump this case. It would have been tempting to flush such a silly-sounding incident, so good on them for sticking to it, in lieu of more exciting investigations.

Drop point

Ever watch a Team Empire video? Nick Apex and Ernie Vigil might be the best-known stunt riders out there today, and they obviously have total control of their motorcycles in all situations. Well, almost all situations.

Take flight

Ural is well-known for building sidecar-equipped motorcycles that are based on BMW’s WWII-era designs. In recent years, to build interest in the machines, the Russian manufacturer has been creating special-edition runs with features like hipster-friendly camp blankets or other similar themes.

This year, in an attempt to tap into the growing film-yourself motorcycling scene, Ural has released the new Ural Air Limited Edition. It’s not just a sidecar rig, it’s a miniature airfield complete with landing pad for a drone and a windsock. Just the thing for someone who wants to start moto-vlogging …

All we can say is—we’ve come a long, long way since this promo video was shot. The world may be a better place if we’re replacing onboard DP28 light machine guns with video drones, but somehow, the bike just doesn’t have the same attitude now.

Criminal minds?

Ah, the motorcycle tough: a long-held trope, supported by decades of film showing bearded, burly, beer-swilling bikers menacing the public. And in other countries you’ll see it’s even worse; in North America, it’s usually easy to avoid the Sons of Anarchy wannabes, but in regions that use motorcycles more often for day-to-day transportation, bikes are often the vehicle of choice for crims. Watch any Brit crime show for a season or two, and you’ll see a pair of thugs ride up on two wheels to ruthlessly gun down some organized crime informant. Read newspapers from the developing world, and you’ll see stories about purse-snatchers and other miscreants who use bikes for speedy getaways.

Then, on the other hand, you’ve got the pair of crooks in this video, who decide to ride up to a couple and try to rob them. The plan of attack fails—is it because the intended victim is an off-duty pistol-packing policeman? Does he have a deadly command of the martial arts?

Nope, he just administers a good old-fashioned brolly beatdown. We’re guessing these failed felons might be reconsidering their life of crime, as any street cred they might have had before has surely vanished now.

Bobsled bike run

And finally, here’s the craziest dude we’ve seen all week. Sure, it’s a time-honoured Canadian tradition to bomb up and down off-season ski hills on a dirt bike, but a bobsled run? On a ZX-6? At least he wasn’t at risk of dying from boredom.

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